areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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