Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
