I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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