Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
