i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
