Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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