Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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