I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
