He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
