Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
