Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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