im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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