GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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