Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
