Swine flu. Run for my life!
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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