12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
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I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
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Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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