ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
