Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
