Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
