Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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