Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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