bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm getting married
To pizza
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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