Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
