Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
