im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
