Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
