is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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