but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
