whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
