the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Randomize
