I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
