Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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