i always forget guys have bellybuttons
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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