DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
