I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
