A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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