come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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