Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
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