The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
