so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
