I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
