I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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