You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
my shit smells like andre
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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