yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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