It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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