We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
