Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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