I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
