We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
