You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
