Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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