Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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