Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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