I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
