Ambien. No doubt about it.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
