i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
