well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
