Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
