uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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