Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
