3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
