my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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