I need to stop coming to work sober
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
