I want to have your abortion
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
being pregnant is like rehab
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
