ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
