Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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