I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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