I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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