you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
