so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
