I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
