so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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