Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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