Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize