My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
