i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Do vagina's smell?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
