Barsexuality is the new black.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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